and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
