They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
