She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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