Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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