Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
