those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
