I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
