That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
