At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
