If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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