He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
