Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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