Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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