she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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