I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he fucked my hip out of place.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
