There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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