The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
