Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
