I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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