Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
