i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
