I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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