That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
