he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
