I wannas sexs uuuuu
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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