I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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