I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
