im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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