i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
