Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
