Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
