Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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