we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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