Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
