She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
