So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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