how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
