last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize