You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
nutella sex= disaster
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
