I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
