Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he thought i was a dude.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
