I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
