Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just pee around me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
