If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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