so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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