I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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