Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
