you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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