people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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