Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
