I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
