well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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