She's like a pop up book from hell.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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