I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
