It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
