I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
