I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
