Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
