its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
