our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
