she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
