i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
