Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize