So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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