I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize