Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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