It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
