my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
