My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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