I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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