dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
