Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
