just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize