I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
