new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
