just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
